Monday, September 28, 2009

The pain in my heart continues at a slow, steady rumble
sometimes I can't hear it because of the noise
I know that I am contributing to my own death
because I can feel it
and I know I contribute to my own life
for the same reason
it is the on going battle between life and death
within my soft walls

I think of all the things I think I want
and there aren't any
I want to live my life and trade my value
but I have gotten in so far
into deep water
where it's necessary to always keep swimming
I don't feel solid ground
and the energy it takes to swim
is tremendous
sometimes, most times, I can't see land so I don't know if I am swimming farther
and farther away from shore
sometimes I just tread water
and wait for the sharks - that I am sure will come

What I really want is to walk.
To find solid ground
to know where my base is
so that as I choose
I can then swim out
tread water
and even float

maybe what I need to do is swim a little further
just up ahead is an atoll
with sandy, palm tree'd beaches
and solid ground
when I reach there
I can rest
and from there I can begin my journey

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