Monday, September 14, 2009

"Give me the strength, give me the energy, the energy" - Luciano

It's funny...about your essence and all. You know like finding out what makes you tick, or, more accurately, paying attention to it. The beauty of the journey is further unfolding and I will soon see how close to my truth I really am.

My state right now is one of elevated conflict - elevated meaning that the conflict sits above what I understand to be a river of peace and flow and energy. The Conflict that rages above the river sometimes obscures it and when it's obscured I grow irrational and fearful, like the anxiety of being lost and being late, at the same time. The conflict is between what I know and what I feel. Some would say this is my ideological battle, my Antietam. I think I agree.

I feel a great sense of peace when I consider what lies beneath the conflict but at the same time my fear erodes the banks that channels the river...ohh metaphor metaphor what's it for what's it for.

I am on a path to make my life happen the way I want it to, to consciously choose without regard for effects but with the best foresight I have. And the best foresight means not allowing fear to influence my decisions - or, more accurately - to make my decisions based on what I value in the world, what I want to see in the world, who I want to be in the world, despite the fear. Either way what a journey, what a life, I feel my energy and I feel my sadness more than ever. But the energy is first these days, the energy is first.

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