Saturday, March 14, 2009

first from Negril

I am sitting on the terrace at 2:30am.  The Caribbean is rolling steadily in front of my.  Sand is in my toes.  I am wireless.

I have been thinking lately that I want to write...but have had nothing to write.  Or...haven't written.  Either way - this is my first time on the blog since I arrived in Jamaica more than two weeks ago.

The thing about Jamaica is (at least with this job) that no matter how hard you try you remain, at best, barely reachable, barely in touch.  And with that state of existence comes a different personal state, at least for me.  A state where I am no longer pre-occupied with who is doing what to whom in the news and the latest murder and the latest fraud and the latest crisis...ALL such boring words and worse topics.  Tired and with a complete lack of creativity, imagination, metaphysics and dreaming...

what a trip this in.  on a caribbean island, spring break no less.  NO LESS I said...no less.  My job is to make sure a bunch of 19-24 year old students have a good time.  

SImply put - If they say they had a good time, I did my job.  If they say they will never come back I failed.  The irony is in the fact that almost despite everything I do they will have whatever time they decide, jamaica is still a place where you quickly get back exactly what you put out.

I can't fucking believe the talent of the women down here.  If I was only 10 years younger...I say to myself...but the reality is...that's not true...actually it's much better that I am 10 years older...I know more...I am more calm.  And the truth of it is these little girls are not ready for me...and my mistake, if any, is thinking that the american college girl would be an attractive demographic!  Wrong.  But it's funny and it's all an awakening for me...

During the trip I have been constantly evaluating my feelings, my reactions, my actions...of course all this evaluation has come under heavy doses of Jamaican rum, sunshine and marijuana (this is my last disclaimer). 

Bottom line - There is a much bigger point to be made here...and it is:  What are the primary reasons (if there are more than one) for males and females to co-communicate, to live together, to "build" a relationship.

Why to men and women...NO...

HOW do men and women stay together, get together?

we are simply, men and women, inhabitants of the two most opposing forces in all of human existence...there are no more polar opposites in all of reality than MAN and WOMAN...and yet we find ways, in fact we spend our lives often times, trying to be together, to live together to co-habitate, to communicate...how can this be and why is it and what are we really after?

Well after being down here and seeing the nubile young women and wondering why they all seem so afraid of me I have come to the conclusion that they are simply like goldfish in a bowl, with no purpose other than to look pretty and to relax the soul.  The issue, as always, lies with me...I am after the wrong thing...these little girls can't relate to me, there's no way.  They haven't been alive, most of em, long enough.  And all they have is their sweet little bodies which will soon loosen and their fear of that very fact.  

Oh god - what stories I have to tell of being down here...but I also heard something that inspired me to a story.  It was a girl one night, a preferable girl, commenting on the fact that she hadn't heard anything original from a guy, that she just wished the guy would tell her something original.   I thought about it and agreed.  But in truth it's not the guys fault, cause we are no longer original so how can you blame him.  We are so focused on our single way that we have forgotten ( in some cases forever ) our humanity for our economy.

I am a man who loves women.  Big and small and young and old...and when I say I "love" I mean that I want to protect as well and I do.  But even at the same, immediate time that I want to protect...I want to destroy - and I think that is the nature of human kind and I think that we can overcome it.

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