Sunday, January 4, 2009

maybe i want to stay?

Is it coming to an end
does it matter
does it end
I fear being un-burdened
because if not to carry it
what is my purpose
and i fear men and their ways
and know my path
is a lonely path
and for that I must know myself
and throw myself
in front of train
in the rain and forget about the pain
from the train
chucka-chain chain

just to break the shitty writing...

so how do I feel?  How do I feel?  I feel like people are going to really wonder "what the heyll is going on" but of course that is my egocious.  No Appologies.  Honesty.  Wonder.

I am no longer prepared to allow my well being to be influenced by the success or failure of my management style.  I want to dictate and have it done.  And most times I can see it.  And I can see it this time.  ANd I think it's a good decision.  But I have been wrong before...

and then I smile
because
what's "wrong"
ha
ha

it is only a kinda smile
more a smirk

I feel very very deeply tired.  tired at my source.  I feel like there is more for me in the world.  
Yes, that's right...W.O.R.L.D.  But I also know that Nectar's is A LOT in the world and in the whirled...But I also have the ability to do what I want with anything outside Nectar's.  Pay to play.  And remember not to get upset.  there is no point.  be happy with yourself.  make your decisions here and now and immediately. and be conscious of them and the fact that you are making them.

I feel like i have very little energy left for human interaction.  Almost like i have gorged myself on the human orgy of emotions and interactions.  my business is a human business.  maybe that's what i hate about it.

maybe i want to stay.

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