Wednesday, January 28, 2009

A long, long poem

I love your name.
I always have
and always will

If this is suffering...then let it be whole and complete and full
I have always known I wanted to destroy you
-not in the way you would know a math answer but in the way you know a secret that you don't hardly ever share, even with yourself-
and because of this secret I have treated you the way I have treated you.
but there is another secret as well
one I don't share with anyone but you as well...
one that lives in me like a ray of light
that battles with the other one
that sometimes blinds it
and is sometimes extinguished by it
this other secret is no less a secret than the first - and maybe it is more
more because it fights
maybe less because it looses.

my secret - my other secret - is that I see magic in you
not in any special way -
I see it everyday
or most everyday
in the fall of your hair
or glimmer of your smile
I see your strength...
truly

and that is why I hate you.

and because I am not happy --
I can only hope
you can forgive me.

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