Thursday, December 4, 2008

Phillisophy at 30,000 feet

I went to see my dying grandmother and when I asked her, "Gram, are you scared?"

-I shiver now - writing this...shiver with cold...I am naked and sitting downstairs at the table after leaving a warm bed and a warm women...-

She said to me, as the room got silent,
"A little"
she looked down as she said it, 
almost like she - I pause - 

-full of contradiction and dread - 
-my mind races - my body shivering from the wind it creates - 
-but I can slow my body - as I type - 
it takes tremendous cont...NO not control....
-it takes tremendous...

that's it...
it takes tremendous...

-my mind races, my body still cold although having been quieted...
"Night Terrors"
"The infinite space of life as existence as valuable as a budweiser beer can can be after being drunk before being made, if it's appreciated, by me, or you, if you exist and aren't a brain in a jar that just wasted a half and hour reading this..."
Gram
"Rusty"
"We could go out of business"
"People Hate me"
"cause I seldom wear underwear and when I do it's usually something 'funky'"

I am in that type of space - 

I was in that type of space before we went down to see Gram

And then...
Back to the story...

Gram, after slumping in her chair - the three brothers surrounding her, 
all leaning a bit closer
a bit quieter

-more later on why I asked the question, what drove me to it or from it's result-
-so much talk so much talk-

I love you both

And for a minute there - I thought that was all we were going to get...
"A little"!
That was it
until she lifted her eyes up and looked directly at me 
alert, alive

"I haven't ever done this before"



1 comment:

Anonymous said...

Wow, I love the blog and I don't want to be technical but I think we were @ 30,000 feet.

If it's not being used does it hold value?

The two best definitions of value that best support my philosophy are:

1.
The worth of something in terms of the amount of other things for which it can be exchanged or in terms of some medium of exchange.

2.
any object or quality desirable as a means or as an end in itself.

In infinite, value can come and go as it pleases, it is all dependant on it's user.