Enjoyment

I didn't like how it was.
I looked
-shocked-
-physically-
but not so that anyone would notice.
I didn't want to change it.
They would look funny at me
if I did.
...call me a dick, what a dick!
maybe
behind my back

and so I don't do anything
-but sit and write about it-

like figuring it out actually matters
-I become the joke-

no matter how hard I wish
reality is real
and if i would stop creating a whirled I despise
i could really enjoy it.