Saturday, October 4, 2008

The truth in the in between hours

and so it comes - like of course it would
but I forgot
and have forgotten
and forget

and yet something must burn
be burning
have burned
inside me
deep
covered
and layered
by what I make in the world
by the way I make my world

the truth

i must have faith

or I must have me

my choice

and when i choose faith
i don't choose me
and no wonder i forget
have forgotten

because like a radio station that you can't quite find
when you know it's there
and you go back and forth
over the location you know it to be
but you simply can not tune it in

you hear glimpses
bursts
but you cannot tune it in

there is too much static
building and being
all around
too much static

and the world I live in is static
in and around
and i respond like a buzz myself
crackle
muted
loud
with no meaning

so that I can fit into the world of static that I choose
and you go back and forth
and i go back and forth
over the mark
over the mark
again and again

a burst
understanding
clarity - just a second -
understanding
static

and back and forth
living my life and talking my talk because i can't walk my walk because I am so busy with my talk

and it just goes around and around until i sit down
and write the words down
that hound and pound
inside deep

it's like bad art
it's like bad art

my smile creeps up - like a devil, who loves kids...

I have to tune myself in and the way I do that is to talk and write and vomit and fear
tune myself in by letting go of
through speech and words
clear through the static
sometimes the darkness helps and the inbetween hours
and physical exhaustion

anything that takes me from my comfortable seat of poisonous snakes and nails

my truth
anything I can do
to clear the static from my truth

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